


blue's tmfu meta (mostly gallya)

by blueincandescence



Series: #bluesaid [2]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 10:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11576577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueincandescence/pseuds/blueincandescence
Summary: A place to stash all my The Man from UNCLE/gallya-related meta because sometimes I lose things on tumblr.1: The Man from UNCLE + Dirty Dancing2: Gaby Teller + Competency3: Illya Kuryakin + Oedipus Complex4: what kind of fic do you think the gallya fandom needs more of?5: Illya's Bio6: If TMFU/gallya got a Netflix show...7: Gallya + Énouement8: gallya + who does the thing meme9: Illya Kuryakin + Turtleneck10: what are 5 things you'd change about the tmfu fandom?11: Napoleon Solo + Bisexuality





	1. The Man from UNCLE + Dirty Dancing

I was trying to figure out why  _The Man From UNCLE_ , particularly the Gaby and Illya relationship, grabbed me outta nowhere like it did. I tend to like a fair number of ships, but I don’t often follow through on participating in fandom. 

I figured reason #1 has to do with stress — my brain has been  _crying_  for sugary, trashy goodness to balance out all the Very Important Things I should be focusing on. Reason #2 is the aesthetics — something about the feel of the movie made me feel weirdly  _nostalgic_. I’ve never seen the TV show, so I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Then I remembered the movie that hit pubescent-me like a semi truck on fire:  _Dirty_ freaking _Dancing._

**Setting**

Both movies take place in the summer of 1963.

[Originally posted by arsscribendi](https://tmblr.co/ZwxFbx1BcDvRV)

**Soundtrack**

_Cry to Me_  is the instant connector, but so many other songs on the soundtrack could crossover.

[Originally posted by 80s-90s-love](https://tmblr.co/ZY4hxo13OYklw)

**Tropes**

Tropes done well are my kryptonite. Both  _DD_ and  _UNCLE_  put the protags, to their consternation, into situations where they have to fake intimacy only to realize  _whoops_  it’s real.

[Originally posted by 1980s-90sgifs](https://tmblr.co/ZCDhUp1bOWLlF)

[Originally posted by tedystaleva](https://tmblr.co/ZvPCwt1sM58b7)

**Tol & Smol**

Both couples = physically imposing (tall + muscles) x emotionally sensitive (tragic backstory + protective streak) / physically dainty (short + petite) x emotionally strong (convictions + assertiveness). 

[Originally posted by myrocknrollangel](https://tmblr.co/ZTyT6r14fkOdn)

[Originally posted by cameronbaum](https://tmblr.co/Z3Lu1u1xkbMre)

**Dancing**

UST/ST embodied in dance. I mean, really. The epitome of hot. Bonus points for Gaby being a former ballerina! (And where have I fallen in love with a ballerina-turned-spy before…)

[Originally posted by cinegif](https://tmblr.co/ZM3psw1wHKoeP)

[Originally posted by komrukru](https://tmblr.co/ZY4uYy1yIho-f)

There are other parallels, like the class angle, and, admittedly, a lot of differences. Still. In conclusion, Gaby/Illya is Baby/Johnny with guns in Europe. I was trash then, and I am trash now.

Bonus, in case you’ve never seen them:  _Dirty Dancing_ deleted scenes:

  


[Originally posted by yourlocalabortionclinic](https://tmblr.co/ZYGgAvNrO7Gp)


	2. Gaby Teller + Competency

Can we talk for a sec about how incredibly good at spycraft Gaby is?

1\. She was recruited in East Germany two years before the events of the film and neither the Stasi nor the KGB nor the CIA was any the wiser.

2\. Waverly says to her, “I think you know what you have to do.” He trusts her judgment implicitly. He’s very fond of her  _because_  he knows how smart she is.

3\. So you know that she wasn’t just twiddling her thumbs and waiting in those two years. She was  _spying_. She was sending information, she was building cars that could practically fly for whatever defector resistance MI-6 was quietly backing. Under everyone’s noses.

4\. While Illya and Napoleon both are running around making spectacles of themselves, she plays it cool. No hint of recognition for Waverly. She plays her uncle like a fiddle: “I know how you can make it up to me.”

5\. My favorite instance of her competency is when she throws Illya under the bus the first time. Her uncle is already suspicious; she knows that from the “powerlifter” comment. So when her uncle asks when they met, she jumps in and says, “Two years ago.” It’s a bad call if you want to not arouse suspicion. It’s a  _great_  call if you want your uncle to think the KGB is using you while you’re none the wiser, keeping him fully on your side.

6\. Of course, Gaby changes tactics and goes all in when she has to, even though she really would have preferred not to playact betrayal because she <3s Illya. But she’s got her motivations — save her father, save the world, save herself, etc., and she’s stone cold professional when it counts (the boys could learn a thing or twenty).

7\. Who figured out the bomb switcheroo? Solo may have gotten the flashy ending, but it was entirely predicated on Gaby’s quick thinking, keen observation skills, and self-taught engineering knowledge.

8\. As much as I love gallya, it’s hyper-competent of her  _not_  to give in to their budding romance. He’s KGB. She’s MI-6. What good could come from it? She’s not going back behind that wall, and he can’t wait to go home to Mother Russia. Of course, now that they’re both UNCLE all bets are off…

In conclusion, I am in love with a tiny German-British 60s spy, kthankxbai.  


	3. Illya Kuryakin + Oedipus Complex

This is more of a series of headcanons than a meta, but let’s talk for a sec about Mama Kuryakin.

Illya’s relationship with his mother is called out three times by the film: first, when Solo presses his buttons so magnificently; second, when he waxes poetic about a Russian architect’s maternal muse; third, in the ending dossiers, diagnosing him with an Oedipus Complex. Ancient Greek tragedies and Freud aside, we can safely surmise that Illya loves his mother fiercely but is deeply ashamed of the, shall we say, implications of her relationships with his father’s old comrades.

So, headcanons:

  * **Respect & gratitude.** As shameful as Illya finds it that his mother’s affairs leave her vulnerable to ridicule, he  _deeply respects_  her for keeping their small family afloat after his father was sent to the gulag. I imagine he had a privileged life before the age of 10. Mama K ensured that her son would continue to have many of those privileges. The dossier seems to verify that he studied at Cambridge, probably Quantum Mechanics like the TV show. He worked hard, yes, but he would not have gotten anywhere with the KGB, let alone becoming its youngest/best agent, without allies in power. He is grateful to his mother for this at the same time he chafes under Oleg’s insinuations about his father.


  * **Wisdom & revenge. **Mama K is smart. I see her has this tall, stately beauty who doesn’t miss a thing. If Illya knows anything about surveillance, he learned it at home first. Even before his father was taken to the gulag, she was the one warning him that General So-and-So had it out for him. I headcanon that Illya’s father was set up as a patsy. Mama K knows this. Illya, always a well-behaved, reverential little boy, cannot believe his father was guilty, but it never occurs to him there could be disloyalty involved. He thinks it was a  _mistake he can fix._ He is livid when no one believes him, when the other kids call him a traitor. He gets in fights. He has  _episodes_. He calls attention to himself in a very negative way. Mama K can’t have that. So she lies to him. She tells him his father loved them so much he stole for them. On some level, Illya never believes it, but he can’t imagine his mother being wrong. He internalizes his father’s shame as guilt. He listens to his mother when she tells him duty is everything. She protects him by letting him be molded into a dutiful Soviet poster boy, even while she seethes. She pretends to be flighty, to be preoccupied by material and social niceties, so she can learn. Every now and again, years between incidents, she’ll hear about General So-and-So losing his position. Some great scandal. She’ll sip her tea, all polite gasps of surprise and  _you don’t say._


  * **Hammer tattoo.** Armie’s hammer tattoo made it into the film, and why not? It’s thematically relevant. I headcanon that Illya came home with that tattoo after joining the special forces, all hopped up on being the hammer to Mother Russia’s sickle. The mask she’s worn all these years slips. She hates that brand on his skin. She gives him his father’s watch to cover it up, with some words of warning about what happens when you’re loyal to those who have no loyalty back. Illya grows up a little.


  * **Special knowledge.** Somehow, Mama K always seems to know what Illya is up to. She has special insights into his missions. Has just the right advice at just the right time. They don’t talk about this directly. He knows this information comes from “pillow talk.” And he knows she and so many others could be imprisoned for having/sharing that knowledge. So he never thanks her directly for the times her knowledge has saved his life. She knows when he’s saying it in other ways.


  * **A damn fine spy.** This is pure fic territory, but there’s that interesting question of what happens to Illya if UNCLE is no longer on the Soviet agenda. Does he go back to being the poster boy/next generation leader? Is he sent to the gulag for being too Westernized? What if he wants to ride off into the sunset with one or both of his partners? How can he ever be free? If I had time for fic, my answer would be Mama K. All these years, she’s been gathering intel. She let them sneer at her, let them buy her body with trinkets and “protection.” Because she was using them. Influencing.  _She’s been spying this whole time._ Maybe even for UNCLE, in later years. She has near every damn influential figure in (fictional) Soviet Russia by the balls and when Oleg threatens her son  _she lets them know it_. When Illya needs it most, she protects her son like she’s always protected her son.



Lady spies, people. I just can’t get enough, even when I have to make ‘em up.


	4. what kind of fic do you think the gallya fandom needs more of?

anon question: what kind of fic do you think the gallya fandom needs more of?

Thanks for the question, Anon! We’re really lucky to have so many amazing kinds of gallya fics to choose from. <3 But I’m greedy, so let’s do this: 

  * _Istanbul fics._  It’s my favorite city in the world, gotta have it.
  * _Mission fics out of Europe_. We’ve got the whole wide world to explore.
  * _Pre-movie fics_. I will never not headcanon Illya surveilling Gaby in 1961.
  * _Breaking away fics._ How do they get their happy ending?
  * _Kink fics_.  **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** Smol & tol? “Don’t make me put you over my knee”?? T.H.R.U.S.H. experiment gone sex pollen??? 
  * _Crack fics_. Clever 60s spy send-ups are love.
  * _Period porn_. 1000% more descriptions of couture, Hitchcock films, Beatlemania, drug use, free love, etc.
  * _Deleted/extended scenes fics_. Illya/Gaby on the plane to Rome? Gimme, gimme!
  * _Roadtrip fics._ Thousands of words worth of backseat driving and car trouble and “oops, we’re stuck in this one-horse town until the parts come in however will we pass the time?” please and thank you! 



Like I said, I’ve read some  _amazing_  gallya fics. I’m eager for more, so I hope these talented writers keep at it!


	5. Illya's Bio

Since this movie a pastiche (it plays with historical accuracy more than mirrors it), I sort of headcanon that Illya’s bio is true and it goes down this way:

  * Illya’s father, while not being a saint, is set up by a conspiracy of younger, jealous officials (new guard sweeping out the old guard).
  * It’s 1941/1942, Russia’s got WWII to worry about, so Papa K gets sent to the gulag without much investigation.
  * Illya’s mother is the daughter of someone and/or has a “protector” prominent in the government (I imagine she is one of the “perks” of getting Papa K out of the picture) so she’s spared.
  * Oleg (so infamous as a behind the scenes string-puller he doesn’t even need a last name) has always had his eye on Illya for a Soviet Poster Child-type program (i.e. The Red Room or  _Salt_ , that whole trope) and, with Papa K out of the picture, he’s free to take Illya.
  * Illya gets trained up (and beaten up; Armie said in an interview that he got the scar in orphanage-like training dealios).
  * He proves himself highly intelligent and physically off the charts and brings home trophies (as seen in dossier).
  * He does his military service and the Special Forces, proving himself even more.
  * He is well-educated (in the 60s show, Illya attended Cambridge University and in the dossier Cambridge is listed as one of his previous residences). I imagine he did some spying in England as well. 
  * Because Illya has been groomed and tested by Oleg, he is accepted into the KGB (formed in 1954).
  * Illya’s track record speaks for itself — he’s the best. 
  * But he’s never entirely trusted. Promotions and other honors are never in store for Illya, though he does not know this. He’s going to be used up until he gets killed or has to be killed.
  * So this UNCLE thing is a gamble. The KGB has always been ready to burn Illya the second he makes a misstep, so he’s the perfect patsy to blame if/when UNCLE turns out to be a fiasco.




	6. If TMFU/gallya got a Netflix show...

**Season 1** _(Sept. 1963 – Sept. 1964)_

  * **Arc 1: The trio discovers THRUSH.** The team operates on a clandestine scale. They have a small office on Victoria St. and some SIS, CIA, and KGB connections, but they’re mostly reliant on each other. Episodic mission-of-the-week format.
  * **Arc 2: UNCLE is established.**  The discovery of the THRUSH conspiracy puts UNCLE at the top of a lot of spy agency lists around the world. They begin to receive more funding and, finally, earn a permanent support structure. Previous missions all thread together to one big bad.
  * **Themes: Genesis.** Personal themes of new beginnings, establishing trust, found families, etc. Political themes of the legacy of war/ideology and trying to create a future when the past is so hauntingly present.



**Season 2** _(Sept. 1964 – Sept. 1965)_

  * **Arc 1: THRUSH exposes UNCLE.** UNCLE opens its headquarters next to the UN in NYC. The trio works less often together, as there are a ton of new agents. THRUSH learns their identities and actively tries to assassinate them.
  * **Arc 2: UNCLE exposes THRUSH.** Not viable undercover, the trio are tasked with infiltrating THRUSH in ways that cost them: Solo is blackmailed, Illya is captured, and Gaby is a double agent.
  * **Themes: Sacrifice.**  How much are the trio willing to give of themselves to see UNCLE’s mission through? How will their personal relationships hold up to stress and suspicion?



**Season 3** _(Sept. 1965 — Sept. 1966)_

  * ****Arc 1:** THRUSH goes doomsday. **Outed, THRUSH extremists start taking huge risks to force World War III and take the world back for the elites. UNCLE is there to stop them at every turn.
  * ****Arc 2:** UNCLE at peak influence. **Having stopped THRUSH, UNCLE is now the intelligence agency du jour. The international arbitrators between intelligence factions, they can do some good in the world.
  * **Themes: Power.**  Deep dive into THRUSH ideology, which is Naziesque but even more rooted in hierarchy and elitism. Confronted by UNCLE’s populism and antinationalism, the villains this season are philosophical.



**Season 4** _(Sept. 1966 — Sept. 1967)_

  * ****Arc 1:** UNCLE sells out. **Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. UNCLE starts getting involved in some shady things, leaving the trio wanting out of the business.
  * ****Arc 2:** THRUSH resurges. **The trio return to UNCLE and the intelligence business to take out THRUSH sleeper cells, but nothing is as it was and they are essentially marooned from each other.
  * **Themes: Doubt.** The trio has given a lot for the mission, and now the mission is failing them. Solo is choking under his contract, Illya is tempted by prestige from the KGB, and Gaby is developing radical political views. The last few years seem like a dream.



**Season 5:**   _(Sept. 1967 — Sept. 1968)_  

  * ****Arc 1:** THRUSH corrupts UNCLE. **Like HYDRA, THRUSH is found at the heart of UNCLE — and Waverly is accused of treason against the Crown and UN war crimes. The trio reform from their respective agencies to clear his name and find the real mastermind behind UNCLE’s closing.
  * ******Arc 2:**** The trio saves UNCLE. **The trio work themselves into semi-retirement to establish UNCLE as an informal network of spies who swear to put the safety of the world above petty politics.
  * **Themes: Legacy.** Even though UNCLE cannot exist given the politics of the day, the dream of UNCLE lives on thanks to the many intelligence agents it inspired. The trio, free of their obligations, come to terms with how much UNCLE changed them and how much they changed each other through their lasting friendship. 



* * *

I did an [If TMFU Got a Netflix Show](http://blueincandescence.tumblr.com/post/152572088365/if-tmfu-got-a-netflix-show) post, so I thought I’d do the gallya version. This is my personal headcanon of how their relationship develops with corresponding tropes. My fics all kind of map onto this timeline, because I am a textbook anal-retentive writer.

**Phase 1** _(Sept. 1963 – Sept. 1964)_

  * **Arc 1:[Will They Or Won’t They?](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FWillTheyOrWontThey&t=ZDQ4YjFkMTdjOGQ2NGM5M2FjMjRiMzE1ZjJlYTdjMjkwYzQzNDcxNyxucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1) ** Knowing that starting something is a bad idea, Gaby & Illya try to put off the inevitable for as long as they can. They give in to passion but don’t give in to their feelings — at least not out loud. As they grow closer as friends and colleagues, they try to stop their physical intimacy but end up in a relationship.
  * **Arc 2:[Secret Relationship](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2Fsecretrelationship&t=OTkyZjcwNzljMzA4MzgxMjcyZjI1ZGNkNTNmZjk4ZGU1MTkwNGUzOCxucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1). ** With UNCLE’s increased visibility and importance comes increased scrutiny; Gaby & Illya’s relationship is tested and tried in new ways. They prepare to fight for their relationship, but it just sort of…stops when Illya is called back to Russia and Gaby starts becoming more of a professional agent.



**Phase 2** _(Sept. 1964 – Sept. 1965)_

  * **Arc 1:[Love Cannot Overcome](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FLoveCannotOvercome&t=ODA1ZDY2YzkxNzkzMDFjMDFmNTgzZDQzNzE0N2E3N2Y4NjlmNmRkYyxucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1). ** Harboring some hard feeling for the way things were left between them, Gaby & Illya nonetheless try to be practical about not starting something up again. While they do sometimes fall into old habits, they both do too good a job of hiding their feelings, making the other feel like they’re suffering alone.
  * **Arc 2:[Break Their Heart to Save Them](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2Fbreakhishearttosavehim&t=MjlhM2EzZTRkYzczODgwZDFhNGM5NGY5Mjc0Y2E5ZjkyYmYxNmM4NixucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1). ** Each tasked to seduce one another, Gaby & Illya are able to resume their former intimacies without fear of immediate reprisals. But the sacrifices that they must make for the mission creates friction and loss of trust. They show each other their love through sacrifice and confusing stolen warm moments.



**Phase 3** _(Sept. 1965 — Sept. 1966)_

  * **Arc 1:[Anchored Ship](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FAnchoredShip&t=Y2VmNGNhNzI0Y2MzYzU2MmZkMDI3NTgyMTM3YTZjMDc1NWM5NDMxNixucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1). ** Slowly but surely, Gaby & Illya are rebuilding their trust. Their feelings are evident but they are both gun shy about hurting each other again. Going on straight-forward missions again feels a bit more like old times, and they find each other again.
  * **Arc 2:[Relationship Upgrade](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FRelationshipUpgrade&t=Nzk5ZDU1MGU1YjJlMjYxOWU2NjcwNWVhMGJmYTI4YTVhNTVhMGNhNyxucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1).**  Gaby & Illya, with the thanks of their respective governments, relax for the first time into as normal of a relationship as two international spies can have — even getting (secretly) engaged for real. Cold War politics ramping up, they still question how long their relationship — and UNCLE — will be tolerated.



**Phase 4** (Sept. 1966 — Sept. 1967)

  * **Arc 1:[Married to the Job](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FMarriedToTheJob&t=YzZjNWNkY2RmMmNkMmIwMTg3Y2Q1NjRjZmE4Mzk0NDdlMzZjNmVhOSxucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1).**  After taking some dubious and morally questionable missions, Gaby & Illya risk burn notices to get the hell out of dodge. They live life on the run for awhile but find that they are unable to completely check out from the goings on of the world. Guilt for those they left behind eats at them.
  * **Arc 2:[I Want My Beloved to be Happy](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FIWantMyBelovedToBeHappy&t=MzU4MzA4NzU0ZmIzMjhlZmJlZjliYWRhODI5ZTA1ZjcxNjA4NTEwNSxucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1). ** Having saved each other’s lives by returning, Gaby & Illya make the decision to split up until they can find a better solution. Gaby gets back to her bohemian roots. Illya returns to Russia to find himself welcomed as never before. With growth comes questions about the wisdom of getting back together.



**Phase 5**  (Sept. 1967 – Sept. 1968)

  * **Arc 1:[ Love Will Lead You Back](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FLoveWillLeadYouBack&t=N2Y0NDA5YWI1ZTE0MjgzMzMwNzJkOWUzMzUzNjIxMTVhNGFjODYwZixucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1). ** Illya & Gaby try to be happy for each other but inevitably as they are drawn back together they admit that they are miserable without one another. They burn the lives they built apart to the ground in order to to be together again — both realizing that their chances of survival are slim to none.
  * **Arc 2:[Happily Ever After](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FHappilyEverAfter&t=ODE3ODNiMGQyZmM1OWFjZWQyZWVhM2ZjOWNjMGM0ZTA5ZGFiNjdiNSxucDF5NkdZcw%3D%3D&b=t%3Afig-fyIelTxNRFoBfT5OqQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fblueincandescence.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152607074120%2Fgallya-arc&m=1). ** Things become more complicated when Gaby & Illya not only survive but realize they’re pregnant. Committed to a happy and healthy future for themselves and their unborn child, they work even harder to establish the UNCLE legacy and leave something good to the world that gave them each other.




	7. Gallya + Énouement

> The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.

I love that you picked this for Gaby & Illya, because it’s really so them. Their feelings for each other, each and every mission, their positions with UNCLE, the Cold War — all of it is so absurdly uncertain. That means the choices they make can’t always match up with how they feel. So many great Gallya fics explore this idea in one form or another because it’s so present in the film.

At the end of the film, the trio forming into UNCLE is a complete shock. Neither Illya nor Gaby could have predicted that they would be sharing a second mission, let alone that they would be made a team. If they had, how might they have played the previous scene? 

Gaby is ready to say a final goodbye. For her — growing up in war and occupation, spying behind enemy lines for two years — uncertainty is  _dangerous_. So it makes absolute sense that she would want to cut ties. Waverly is her lifeline; it’s safer to go see him than it is to have a drink with the two foreign agents she technically betrayed, neither of whom she is likely to see again. Moreover, she makes a point of returning Illya’s ring. “In case we don’t see each other again,” she says, breezy, because of course they won’t. But  _the look in her eyes_  tells a different story. Gaby doesn’t want this to be goodbye forever. 

For his part, Illya approaches uncertainty like a novelty. He lives from order to order, and Gaby is something else. He is the one granting forgiveness, the more experienced agent, a man with a home. He can afford to approach uncertainty with confidence. He gives her back the ring with a promise to keep track of her. Maybe he will find her again. The onus is on him, right smack in the middle of his comfort zone.

Gaby’s reaction to that pronouncement is delightfully mixed. She is charmed but grudgingly so. She leans into the kiss (in the behind scenes shots she has her hand on his wrist) and has this perfect, ‘Yep, should have fucking known,’ guilty expression on her face when they are interrupted. Illya’s expression is more a straight, ‘You must die now, bellhop man,’ but he is distracted by the tension, the telephone.

Illya answers the phone, giving Gaby the chance to slip out. Her sad little wave  _kills me_. It’s a moment of enouement. He was right — he said it was going to be okay, he said he would be close by. It was and he was. But she still has to leave, like she’s known she has had to do from the beginning. How many times has this girl been left behind in her life? What did that do to her? How many times has she slipped out the door of a lover or a friend, never to see or hear from them again?  _Gaby, my heart._

Meanwhile, Illya is breaking my heart, too, because, knowing full well  _it’s his handler_ , the KGB’s best puts duty on hold to make sure Gaby knows he wants to continue drawing out their goodbye. The hardness that comes over his expression when she closes the door behind her  _kills me dead_. He is  _hurt_. From the second Illya spots Gaby’s purse (the one he picked out for her) in the prison cell, he lets himself be demonstrative with her (stroking her hair, holding her shoulder, guard dogging her on the ship). He is extra warm with her, I think, partially out of guilt. He’s gotten to the moment of enouement and he regrets believing the worst of her so stubbornly. But then she leaves him cold. 

So he’s cool to her on the balcony (love the way he adjusts his cool kid slouch when she walks out). She is likewise cagey about where she looks. Their official welcome into UNCLE starts with them at a very precarious place, Gaby having made the choice to leave without a finished goodbye and Illya having hardened his heart a little for it. The consternation they clearly feel could have something to do with the fact that they both know they would have played things a lot differently had they realized their continued partnership was endgame. 

> [Send me a ship and a word and I will write a headcanon and/or short oneshot about the word ](http://widowshulk.tumblr.com/ask)


	8. gallya + who does the thing meme

gaby x illya for the who does what meme thingy majiggy ;)

  * _Gives nose/forehead kisses._ **Illya.** It’s easiest to reach her there for quick pecks.
  * _Gets jealous the most._   **Both.** Illya is overtly the more jealous of the two. It’s a real issue — he’ll rage and pout and act possessive. Gaby has to work to curb his jealous nature. Hers is more subtle but  _way_ deadlier. She doesn’t try to compete with other women or shout or any of that. Oh no. Gaby, her abandonment issues on full display, protects herself with feigned indifference. She walks away. She puts on a show of ignoring him. If she’s feeling particularly spiteful, she’ll encourage Illya. Anything to belie how weak she is for him. 
  * _Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive._   **Illya**. Gaby is a drinker and a dancer. She’ll go out with her girls and Illya be there to put her to bed.
  * _Takes care of on sick days._ **Both**. Illya fusses to the point that Gaby shamelessly takes advantage of him but he can hardly be upset at her. Gaby has a much more tough love approach —  necessary to convince the Red Peril he his mortal —until she can’t help but melt into a puddle over his puppy dog eyes.
  * _Drags the other person out into the water on beach day._ **Gaby**. She is, as a rule, the Instigator of Fun and Illya needs and loves her for it.
  * _Gives unprompted massages._ **Gaby**. She likes being able to reach Illya’s shoulders and relieve some of that tension. When he’s sitting playing chess or writing up reports, more often than not Gaby is behind him working those strong, magical fingers of hers.
  * _Drives/rides shotgun._ **Gaby**  drives,  **Illya**  is shotgun. Of course.
  * _Brings the other lunch at work._   **Illya**. He’s gotta make sure his gal gets three squares. Gaby gets distracted easily. 
  * _Has the better parental relationship_.  **Illya**. Even with all his neuroses, even with his father in the gulag, he is the quintessential good son. Gaby “doesn’t have a father” long before Udo Teller is killed.
  * _Tries to start role-playing in bed._ **Gaby**. The little minx does like to make her Russian giant blush. She’s also damn good at figuring out what Illya wants but is too polite/repressed to put into words. Once he has permission/an excuse Illya is _into it_. Every time he says, “Your fiance would…” in the movie  _proves_  that once he’s in character he’ll commit.  
  * _Embarrassingly drunk dancer._ **Illya**. Gaby is a drunk dancer from way back, but she always looks good doing it. Illya, the lanky dork, has zero moves at the best of times —  _unless_  it’s a waltz. Mama K made sure her boy could dance like a gentleman.
  * _Still cries watching ~~Titanic~~ Bambi. _ **Gaby**. The girl wants to pretend she has no feelings, but that’s a big, fat lie. She inhales sad movies and books and goes off on crying jags, all that repressed emotion just flattening her.
  * _Firmly believes in couples costumes._ **Both**. Gaby for roleplaying reasons. Illya because nothing says MINE like matching costumes.
  * _Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas._ ** _I_ llya**. When this big romantic was role playing as her fiance, he makes sure  _his woman_  knows she deserves the finest clothes and jewelry. Gaby, ironically more affronted by price tags (“Have you seen the price of this handbag?”) would buy sensible presents but add a personal touch. 
  * _Makes the other eat breakfast._   **Both**. Whoever gets up first. Gaby is not much of a sleeper, so she likes to be occupied early in the morning. If she’s crashed out or hung over, Illya makes sure she eats a hearty breakfast.
  * _Remembers anniversaries._ **Illya**. Say it with me: BIG OLE ROMANTIC SAP. 
  * _Brings up having kids._   **Gaby**. Illya is the family man; it’s unspoken but very clear that Illya wants kids. Gaby hardly remembers having a family of her own; the concept is appealing but she is wary about the execution. They both know this about each other. Illya is patient, so he waits for Gaby to bring it up herself.




	9. Illya Kuryakin + Turtleneck

**Anon: Do you think Illya is circumcised? aka do you think his penis wears a turtleneck too? Inquiring minds want to know.**

OH GOD, I’M SO AMERICAN. I never even  _considered_ this.

It’s like an actual turtleneck, you know? I’ve, ahem, had occasion to see men in turtlenecks before. But if you ask me to picture a men’s shirt, a turtleneck isn’t gonna pop into mind first thing. ;) 

Having gifted you with that stunning analogy and having Googled circumcision rates in Russia to confirm, all I can say is…

…Even the man’s  _gun_  wears a turtleneck.

What a great question, Anon. I am weirdly pleased that you directed it to me and so much more educated now that you did. Prepare for a 100% increase in usage of the word ‘foreskin’ in my gallya fics. ;)

* * *

**Anon: Little illya definitely wears a turtleneck and secretly Gaby and illya are a little freaked out that Napoleon's probably doesn't. Americans are so weird...**

Why do Americans circumcise? I didn’t know so I did me some learnin’:

  * Let’s start off by not forgetting that many Americans are of Jewish descent, practice Islam, and/or have heritage from the countries depicted in red on this map of the worldwide prevalence of circumcision:



  * The cultural trend kicked off in the 1870s when a surgeon named Dr. Sayre popularized circumcision as a cure for all manner of diseases and people all over the world (including Brits) devoured his works due to the new germ theory of disease and the fear of infection
  * There was (of course) an ethnic and class motivation — in America, middle and upper-class WASPs relished another way to distinguish themselves from Southern and Eastern European immigrants 
  * From 1920 onward, neonatal circumcision became standard practice in American hospitals 
  * It caught on somewhat in Britain until after WWII when the government started footing the bill for healthcare and they stopped providing circumcisions to cut costs — pun very much intended
  * Meanwhile, Americans laugh in the face of containing costs of medical care so CIRCUMCISISIONS FOR EVERY PENIS, BILL YOUR PROVIDER!
  * It wasn’t until 1970 that the American Medical Association bothered to mention that removing the foreskin doesn’t have significantly higher health benefits and by then, well, we just got used to it.



So Americans aren’t so weird after all. 

What  _is_  weird is this — According to this map, Canada, Australia, and South Africa are in the circumcision club. So the question I now have is why do the largest former colonies of Britain occupied by immigrants of European descent  _all_  have higher circumcision prevalence than Britain/Europe? It can’t just be the healthcare thing, can it??? There’s a doctoral thesis for ya. 


	10. what are 5 things you'd change about the tmfu fandom?

 

anonymous said:  
What are 5 things you'd chang about TMFU (2015) fandom?

  


[Originally posted by thejeweloftherealm](https://tmblr.co/ZOTszt1_Daq8a)

… _love that typo, Anon!_

For TMFU I would change:

  * A SECOND MOVIE WOULD BE COMING OUT THIS SUMMER, AND THEY’D ALREADY HAVE THE SCRIPT FOR THE THIRD IN THE CAN. Being in no-sequel-hell is  _tough y’all_.
  * MORE DIVERSITY. A LOT MORE. I have heard tell that the 1960s UNCLE television show has 1000x more speaking parts for people of color than TMFU (2015) and that is SHAMEFUL. (OBVIOUSLY, given my Janelle Monae-in-period-clothes obsessiveness that I shoe-horned into the MCU response I just made, she would be a  _significant_  part of the UNCLE New York HQ.  _She would drive Solo out of his damn mind._ ALSO, Waverly spent significant time in Hong Kong; maybe his right-hand-woman is a Chinese national/spy extraordinaire! _)_
  * THRUSH would be a talked-about threat and more than just Nazis. The movie kind of hints at this, but it would seem the  **T** echnological  **H** ierarchy for the  **R** emoval of  **U** ndesirables and the  **S** ubjugation of  **H** umanity aren’t in it for nationalism (Victoria is British, married to an Italian, and the only diversity in the movie is at her party). I’m sure plenty of Nazis are part of THRUSH, but it would help solve the diversity problem  _and_  be more today’s world applicable if THRUSH were elitist in a more eugenics kind of way (only the rich, talented, and intelligent need apply).  _Of course_ , they would still be racist, just in a different way.
  * Napoleon Solo would be canonically bisexual.



And OF COURSE…

  * ILLYA AND GABY WOULD LOCK LIPS ALL OVER THE SEQUEL(S).



Thanks, Anon!

 

> **_send me a tv show/book/fandom and i’ll say the top 5 things i’d change about it_ **


	11. Napoleon Solo + Bisexuality

My love of gallya is well documented ([receipts](http://blueincandescence.tumblr.com/search/otp:-i-need-a-partner+bluemade)). I am also a slut for canon; no matter how bad it screws me I always go back to it. So I come at this with no agenda other than to say —

Yeah, agreed with fandom, there is a  _compelling_  evidence that Napoleon Solo is  _canonically_  bisexual in  _The Man From U.N.C.L.E._ (2015). I think it makes for a fascinating deeper read into Solo’s character. And I hope if we get a sequel that aspect of his personality is explored explicitly.

What I see as the crucial pieces of evidence have to do with Solo’s penchant for homoerotic innuendo, the way he packages himself, and dialogue from Sanders, his CIA handler.

 

**Solo + Innuendo**  
_ Solo: [In a men’s room] Anything in particular, sir, or are you just looking? Solo: [About Illya] Superagent here decided to have some fun with three young Italian boys in the men’s room. Etc. _

Guy Ritchie films are no stranger to homoerotic innuendo. It’s the main source of humor in his  _Sherlock_ films, for example. So we could just chalk up Solo’s penchant for it to “Ritchie film” and move on. Or we could see it as a character attribute and examine it. The latter space is where I live and breathe, so let’s do this.

To me, Solo’s references (and the time he tapped another man’s junk knowing it was the quickest way to get punched) indicate one of three things: 

  1. he is an open-minded straight person who is comfortable enough with his sexuality to let others read him as bisexual and/or gay
  2. he is homophobic (not something one would be ashamed of in 1963) and his comments come from a place of mild disdain
  3. he is intimately familiar with gay spaces and stereotypes because he is himself bisexual and uses humor as a way to make that visible without bringing unwanted attention to himself (more on that later)



The second option is unacceptable to me as a fan of Solo’s character, so that’s out. The first option is fine, but it doesn’t jibe with the time period and glosses other aspects of Solo’s story. The third option is period-appropriate and seems more holistically representative of his character.

 

**Solo + Character**  
_ Gaby: [To Solo] You look important. Or at least your suit does. _

Solo is presented as an urbane lover of all things beautiful. A (fake) gentleman (real) thief who knows and is loved by women the world over. His dossier at the end of the film explicitly calls him out as being a “womanizer,” and he’s only seen to have had sexual relations with women in the film. On the surface, Solo is living every straight man’s dream.

But we also know that Solo is a packaged figure. He charmed his way into the European upper set, teaching himself languages “methodically.” His perfect hair, his Cary Grant accent, his important suits — all of it manufactured to appear  _as if_. So the idea of Solo dissembling by hiding an aspect of himself is not at all out of character.

Additionally, the film does a couple things to undermine Solo as God’s Perfect Hetero. There’s his seeming comfort with gay innuendo. There’s also the fact that he eye-fucks the border patrol when he takes off his glasses in the opening scene. 

Now, the “it won’t match” argument and the “are these slippers mine or yours?” joke from the trailers are a bit on the ‘harhar so gay’ side of things for my tastes. Along the same lines, it  _is_  a stereotype for the character with loose morals, sexual appetites, and indulgent tendencies to be presented or headcanoned as bisexual. I see that critique. 

But it’s really the prepackaged aspect of Solo’s character that is compelling evidence for me. 

 

**Solo + Sanders**  
_Sanders: [To Solo] Don’t ever make the calamitous error of mistaking my deliberate shortsightedness for blindness. Sanders: [To Solo in the Men’s Room] What I’m about to feed you, Solo, might taste a little bitter. Nevertheless, you’re going to have to swallow it._

We’re familiar with the myriad of ways the Powers that Were/Be made it particularly difficult for LGBTQ+ people to, you know, live their lives in peace and prosperity during this time period. Sanders’ use of innuendo could, again, be a Ritchiesm. Just a ‘joke’ implying that Sanders has Napoleon’s “balls on a leash” because of the waived prison sentence. 

But the innuendo is happening in a space that has meaningful connotations for closeted gay men. Napoleon makes the first innuendo, but Sanders makes it  _aggressive_. The first time we meet Sanders, he’s yanking on the leash. He warns Napoleon not to “make the calamitous error” of crossing him. For me, it’s hard to read Sanders’ aggressive innuendo and Solo’s pursed-lipped reaction as anything but the beginnings of further blackmail. 

I think, if the conversation would have played out without Illya’s interruption, Solo would have gotten Sanders to tip his hand. To reveal to Solo that he is well aware of his agent’s homosexual encounters and has no problem playing that card (and the implied legal recourse) if Solo steps out of line. The leash is shorter than Solo imagined, etc. For me, the scene doesn’t really work without that undercurrent of tension.

 

So, yeah. Napoleon Solo, (almost) canonically bisexual. Love it, will fic it. 


End file.
